Why are men so afraid of commitment?

I’ve seen it over and over. An unmarried, worried woman pouring her heart out because “he” left her. “How could he do that to me?”

This is a circumstance I have observed many times in ministry, and it points to a great need in our society. We need men – men who are committed…to their wives, to their children, to their God, and to their finances.

The ultimate example of this is the un-married woman chaser mentioned in the introduction. Why no commitment? No sense of responsibility or urgency for others. Commitment is something lacking in men of today.

Why are men so selfish? First, we have a sin nature. That sin nature, if left unchecked, will lead us down dark paths that we really don’t want to be treading upon. Second, we are fallen creatures, with little in ourselves to help us. We need God, we need Christ’s work in our life. This means we need to come to the end of ourselves and give up our philosophy and desires.

Selfishness leads to laziness. When we don’t work, we tend to get self-absorbed and involved in whatever suits our liking at the moment. This is a problem for young men. Young men need structure, they need to work. They need to learn to save money (not just spend it). This is also a problem for those with families. Husbands, your wife needs you. Dads, your children want to spend time with you. If you wait for your wife to nag you, then you are not engaged in their lives. A husband who needs to be prodded, pleaded with, or nagged, is out of touch with his family.

How do we combat this? First, we must realize the God-given responsibilities and chain of command. Men were created to work, love, and to lead, ladies were created to nurture and keep the home. When a man does his job properly, his dependents are safe and secure, willing and able to carry on their duties with no worries or further desires. Husbands are first responsible to God, then the wife submits to her husband. When the husband loves and obeys God, he in turn leads in a proper, respectful manner to his family. When dad is in his self-absorbed state, he is forgetting that he is to be leading his family. He is therefore allowing them to wander.

The most glorious trait of a man in the Bible is not his job, it is not his position in society, and it is not his possessions. Jobs, things, statuses pass away. If we are honest with ourselves, someone else can do our jobs better than us anyway. What matters is character and integrity.

So many men have lost their integrity. They lie to their employer, they take advantage of others, they have a laugh at others’ expense.

Let’s contrast that with Jesus. When Jesus was here on earth, He set the example for us. He helped better other people’s lives. When He saw a problem He fixed it. When Peter was hurting, he found a solution to the problem. (Luke 5:4) He also didn’t laugh at those who were less fortunate! He saw a blind man begging – he didn’t laugh, scorn, or mock. He healed him! (Mark 10:46-52) What would you do in that situation?

I think it would be good for men to take a good long look at themselves, what really matters in life and what is superfluous, get their priorities straight, and stop being so self-centered. Many men are so quick to brag about the last thing they fixed, or the new “toy” they put together, or the macho style in which they carry themselves…but where are the ones who are bringing up their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord? They are often not running around boisterous, bragging, playing on their 4-wheelers, dirt bikes, motorcycles, skateboards, video games, tools, etc., they are at home with their family raising up the next generation of people who matter. While some of these “hobbies” are not bad, they certainly distract, and when not kept in their proper place, are a detriment.

Back to my starting thought…about that boyfriend who seems to always leave when things aren’t going well: he’s a cheap fake. He doesn’t love her, he doesn’t care about her, and he’s there for one reason: to fulfill his selfish desires. When he’s not getting that, he’s gone. Don’t cry for him because he’s not crying for you. Don’t hang things over his head to get him to come back, because he’s going to leave again anyway. Don’t try to “work it out” because that’s not what he wants or needs. The only reason he’ll come back is because you’re an easy “freebie” to help him in his darkest hour. But in his darkest hour (of his own making) he needs to man up, get a job, get God in his life, and stop playing around.

One Response

  • Good point cousin, I have greatly experienced this. I was with a guy for eleven years that didnt want to get married, didnt want to have kids, because he always said: Tina, this is a too great a responsibility. Oh, and he didnt want to work either for the same reason. He didnt leave me though, I left him; thank god. I think men need to be respectable before they are respected

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